Sensays's Blog

August 26, 2010

Eff

Filed under: Uncategorized — sensays @ 8:57 am

I feel so bad but at the same time not really. So I wanted to invite people over today so I asked my dad, but he got really really pissed. So I got really mad at him, and I asked my mom if I could go to other people’s houses. She said yes, but I didn’t exactly tell her the truth when I asked. So I’m afraid that she’s gonna talk to my dad, and he’s gonna find out and be like super angry. -______-

And what’ll that lead to? Me sneaking out and getting caught and being banned from having a social life? Then I’d have to sneak out more and then it’d just be a cycle.

It makes me sad to know that as a teen, I’m becoming one of those bad ones.

But you know I have straight A’s, 2250-ish isn’t a bad SAT score, I’ve never been suspended, and my teachers like me, so what freaking more do you want from me so I can just go hang out more?? WHAT? Swimming in the junior olympics? Painting a masterpiece that sells for millions? Patenting a time machine? Discovering the cure to cancer? Seriously, what?

I’m a kid, and there are certain things you can do as a kid that you can’t do as an adult. And I’d like to do those. Such as hanging out with high school friends.

But I think some of my biggest fears are that I’m going to go crazy with partying and completely give up on school and become a homeless, pathetic slut. That I’m never going to amount to anything.

Or that I’m gonna try but I end up at IVC cuz no other college accepted me. Which means I didn’t try hard enough. And that really annoys me. And then I’m gonna have to find a low paying job and I’m gonna end up in a cubicle for the rest of my life. And I’ll just be wallowing in regret and misery for all my life.

I don’t know why, but I really can’t accept that life. Well I do know why actually. Cuz I was raised as a spoiled little b*tch. Really it wouldn’t seem like it but, I have a nice house, a computer, TV, iPod touch, speakers, a Wii, a pretty good cellphone, and soon I will have a car. Basically, I’m not poor. I go traveling a lot, at least a few times a year (usually by plane, so pretty far). When we travel, I always request nice hotels and usually I get them. Sometimes we order room service and what not. My dad’s a frequent flyer, so sometimes we get upgrades to business or first class. I’ve ridden in business like two times and economy plus once. I shop for clothes and shoes when I want to, to the point that I have way too many things in my closet, but still nothing to wear.

I should be satisfied with my life and in terms of materialistic things, I am. But what I’m missing is the social aspect of my life. Yeah I’m greedy, but so what? I’m an American teenager, what can you expect? I can’t help it.

On another note, I realized that being raised like this, I don’t think I can live if my life isn’t like this. I need a life that has lots of electronics, traveling, shopping, hanging out, and money. The only difference is when I grow up, I have to make that money myself. And I think that’s the only reason that really motivates me. And because I refuse to work in a cubicle all my life.

…………………..

Yeah I just wrote out all my negative thoughts about myself. And why I think I’m a complete biatch.

Which leads me to realize that I whine too much.

Eff.

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